Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Josh's LiveJournal:

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Friday, July 22nd, 2005
1:30 am	New Look So new look for the old LJ. Today is a sad day. I was going to go see Ben Folds and Weezer in concert in Nashville today. Tickets weren't bad, friends were gonna go, it was gonna be great. However, my friends all backed out at the last minute and then my mom decided that we didn't have the money for the trip if no one was gonna help pay for gas and rooming. So I'm now actively playing World of Warcraft (on two servers), Puzzle Pirates (on two oceans), Halo (when I can) and Toontown. All that when I'm not working (two jobs). Hooray for college. Moving on August 8th. Hooray. Current Mood: Sad/Tired/Ready for college Current Music: Weezer - Make Believe (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
12:44 am	Yay...College! So this past weekend was Orientation for UTD. It was awesome. Next year is gonna be great. for YPP! people: I heard that balk is thinkin about movin to ft. worth. Current Music: Forget Cassettes (Comment on this)
Monday, March 28th, 2005
8:44 pm	meh I feel like I need to write...something...but I don't know what. My thoughts more or less are coherent...I suppose. Maybe I just don't expect anyone to understand anymore. Maybe I just don't understand anymore. Maybe I never understood. Who knows? Truth. Current Mood: blank Current Music: The Shins (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
4:13 pm	Advanced You scored 93% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 66% Expert! You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score. Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! Test statistics: Compared to users who took the test and are and in your age group: 100% had lower Beginner scores. 100% had lower Intermediate scores. 100% had lower Advanced scores. 100% had lower Expert scores. With respect to Beginner, users aged 55 to 59 scored highest. With respect to Intermediate, users aged 55 to 59 scored highest. With respect to Advanced, users aged 55 to 59 scored highest. With respect to Expert, users aged 55 to 59 scored highest. weeeeeee.... (Comment on this)
Monday, December 6th, 2004
12:55 am	So I haven't really updated at all in a long time. My life's a bit chaotic...yet....I feel sort of at peace. I don't know what I'm doing right now, but things are looking up because I've atleast made one good decision recently. I'm starting to feel dead inside again...like a shell...something to dispell any questions the world may have about what I am. I'm not what once I was...but what am I now? All the things I see...they're all the same. It never changes. I know I'm on the outside, but must I be alone here? All these people around me...none of them are here. They've all got hope and quite good chances. I've got nothing and nothing changes. I want it to change. I want to be happy. I don't really even know what I want anymore. Maybe just a change or an answer or a question....anything that will help... Current Mood: numb (Comment on this)
Monday, October 4th, 2004
12:00 am	What? I'm tired of people. I'm tired of hearing about people's problems from people who won't do anything about it. I'm tired of people being dumb. I'm tired caring. People are dumb. It's the same thing every time. It never changes. They say and feel the same things every time. Sometimes I just want to tell them to shut up and and start looking at what they have, what they can have, not what they'll never have. It's not that I don't care about my friends...it's just that after you hear the same thing over and over again you just want to tell them to do something about it instead of just whining and doing nothing to actually fix it. It bugs me the most when they have so many options but won't do anything because they think that they can't...or something...maybe they're just being dumb. Sorry for that rant....I've just been feeling a bit disgruntled this weekend...it's been getting worse as the weekend has gone on...some people just make me mad sometimes. I think I'm gonna get an X-box this week...maybe a gamecube...but probably an X-box. We'll see. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 20th, 2004
9:42 pm	amo eiam sed amor muto nihil yeah...still missing something...don't know what...I wish I did. Tell me if you know. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 13th, 2004
1:05 am	A Story....By Me once there was a penguin named jim he was a flatulant penguin and so he was taunted mercilessly by all the other penguins jim the flatulant penguin was very unhappy one day he was particularly flatulant he was going to school when bum stopped him he asked jim if he had any smokes jim said he did not then the bum realized he still had one in his pocket so he took out his lighter he started to light his cigarette then BOOOM! no more jim and no more bum THE END (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 6th, 2004
3:22 am	Nastalgia.... I like this: Not the Same I cherish being different, yet they mock me so If society rejects me, then where am I to go? They never wanted me to come, this they made quite plain Cut out from a different mold, I am not the same They tried to get rid of me, like I knew they would But instead I killed my soul, like I thought I should I'm not what they wnat me to be, hidden away inside But at least they think I am, and this shall override The rebels of the world, they think that they have tamed And with great pride society announces "We are now the same" A long time ago I died, but I am still here Lost in a concealed world, lacking of all cheer Despite the fact I hate myself, I try to still be glad For if part of me is good, not all can be bad Someday I'll come back again, and show them who I am They can try to kick me out, but they don't stand a chance It's been a long time since I left, but still I have to wait It's hard to remain silent, even when I see their hate The years have passed with little change and yet, I whisper to myself, "I am not the same" -anonymous Current Mood: waiting. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
10:35 pm	wooh...yeah...not so happy again... I'm kinda unhappy again. I knew I would be. I'm not surprised. I'm not sad. I'm just kinda depressed. It's not a sad depression, it's a tired depression. I'm tired of the same thing over and over. I don't know how to fix it, not permanently anyway....not even for awhile. I'm blind. I'm dead. I'm lost. I'm everything I ever hoped to be and nothing I am ever hoped to be. I fell. I keep landing in the same spot. How is it ever supposed to heal if I can't stop falling? I don't have anywhere to land and I'm about to fall out of the sky. I need a pillow. Every time I start to make some progress...I just slide right back to where I started....sometimes behind where I started. I'm morbid. I'm cynical. I'm done. I haven't begun. My brain is empty. I don't have enough room in my mind. I'm torn. I was never a whole. I'm in tiny pieces. I want to be whole again. This load is going to crush me but it's not enough for me to carry yet. I'm spinning out of control. I'm not moving and I'm stuck. I want help. No hand of help seems like it will help. I have too much hope. I'm devoid of hope. This is my life right now....you figure it out....I'm tired of trying to. Current Mood: mrmbleh Current Music: Switchfoot (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
11:20 pm	Happy... I am quite verily happy right now. I watched Kill Bill Vol. 2 for the third time earlier at katie's house, it was fun. However, the car ride back was much funnest of all, I is happy now, there's no real reason for it but it just made me happy Current Mood: happy Current Music: Small Town Poets (Comment on this)
12:27 am	ooooh..... I keep saying that I'm going to start updating more often....I finally figured out why I don't update as much and why I prefer xanga....because it's much easier and faster to update xanga...I can update xanga from the same page as I do everything else including look at my entries, whereas on here I have to go into my info so that I can click to update...it stinks. Also xanga loads faster, which is nice. I noticed a few minutes ago that I didn't update for 9 months....wow.....crazy.....El Billy strikes again! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
10:04 pm	Hugbees! I had one of those crazy life choices revelations earlier....I realized that there are two people that I know...both 19...and that I could be pretty much either of them in 2 years...it's more like I see where I am going and where I could go....and I know what I want now for who I am, maybe not what I want to do in life, but still I feel better. I hope my dad lets me keep taking Ninjutsu. Current Mood: refreshed Current Music: Switchfoot (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
10:33 pm	um...um...they did it.... 1. Copy this whole list into your journal. 2. Bold the things that are true about you. 3. Add something that is true about you. ***01. I miss somebody right now ***02. I don’t watch much TV these days ***03. I love olives ***04. I love sleeping 05. I own lots of books 06. I wear glasses or contact lenses ***07. I love to play video games 08. I’ve tried marijuana 09. I’ve watched porn movies 10. I have been in a threesome 11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship ****12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy 13. I love ice cream 14. I like and respect Al Sharpton 15. I curse sometimes *****16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year ***17. I have a hobby 18. I’ve been told I: have pretty eyes 19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me ***20. I’m partially smart ***21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones 22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal 23. I hate the rain ***24. I’m paranoid at times 25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free ***26. I need money right now ***27. I love sushi 28. I talk really, really fast 29. I have fresh breath in the morning 30. I have semi-long hair 31. I have lost money in Las Vegas 32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister 33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S. 34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis 35. I have a twin 36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past 37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D. ***38. I like the way that I look sometimes ***39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months 40. I know how to cornrow ***41. I am usually pessimistic 42. I have a lot of mood swings 43. I think prostitution should be legalized 44. I think Britney Spears is pretty 45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past 46. I have a hidden talent 47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have ***48. I have a lot of friends ***49. I am currently single 50. I have pecked someone of the same sex ***51. I enjoy talking on the phone 52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants (If I could get away with it) 53. I love to shop 54. I would rather shop than eat 55. I would classify myself as ghetto 56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders ***57. I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal ***58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them. 59. I’m a pretty good dancer 60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington 61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother ***62. I have a cell phone ***63. I believe in God 64. I watch MTV on a daily basis 65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months 66. I love drama 67. I have never been in a real relationship before ***68. I’ve rejected someone before ***69. I currently have a crush on someone. ***70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life ***71. I want to have children in the future 72. I have changed a diaper before 73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before 74. I bite my nails 75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club 76. I’m not allergic to anything ****77. I have a lot to learn 78. I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger 79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie 80. I am shy around the opposite sex 81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message 82. I have at least 5 away messages saved 83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before 84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past 85. I own the "South Park" movie 86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal 87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum 88. I enjoy some country music ***89. I would die for my best friends 90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza 91. I watch soap operas whenever I can ***92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist 93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career 94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all 95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story" 96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy ***97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it 98. I have dated a close friend’s ex 99. I like surveys 100. I am happy at this moment 101. I'm obsessed with guys 102. I am bi 103. Democrat ***104. Conservative Republican 105. I am punk rockish (very ish) 106. I am preppy 107. I go for older guys/girls, not younger 108. I study for tests most of the time 109. I tie my shoelaces differently to anyone I've ever met 110. I can work on a car 111. I love my job ***112. I am comfortable with who I am right now. 113. I have more than just my ears pierced. ***114. I have trouble sleeping lately. Current Mood: eh... Current Music: Modest Mouse - Scapegoat (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
11:46 pm	Pain... Yeah....I'm really sore right now. I've only been to Ninjutsu twice this week and it already hurts to move. My hands are covered in blisters and cuts mostly from sword sparring. My right arm is really tight and only bends about halway because I got hit right in the back of the elbow with a cymbal....ow.... Anyway...enough about my aches and pains...I'm too young to be so old. School is already evil. I'm way behind in reading for AP Gov and I don't see any break in the workload. I did get my German project finished. It took awhile but it too hard. I need to find sleep time. Totalitarianism seems to be pervading the administration of the school more and more...it stinks...like old fish... I'm currently trying to find some guy who I've never met and I only know his first name and where he goes to school. Why do I always feel the need to help my friends out with things like this? Especially when it's people/things that next to impossible to find. Oh well. I love Radiohead....they make my world make a little more sense..... Saying things to people is hard. Current Mood: sore Current Music: Radiohead - Sit Down. Stand Up. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
11:34 pm	I don't wanna change your mind....I don't wanna waste your time... My heart and mind are screaming out with total frustration. But no matter what I tell myself, I don't want to give up. I guess I can't, not yet anyway. I'm still looking for that secret key that will solve everything. Current Mood: I have no freakin idea Current Music: The Strokes (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 8th, 2004
8:47 pm	Yeah... I'm trying to pay attention to all of my online journals now...I don't know for how long...but I am nonetheless. Today has been kinda weird. I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. I've been contemplating so many things all day. Memories mostly, and things that I know. I'm in one of those moods where I see things that I don't see any other time and it makes it all seem so simple and stupid. I'm tired of everything always coming to this. All day I've felt like I just really screwed up yesterday. It was a great day up until last night after I got home. I feel pretty dumb. I'm tired of everything being so wrong with this summer. The things I want aren't even conceiveably in my reach...any of them. I guess it always comes back to this. I can't seem to escape this time or place, it always finds me. Sometimes it makes me feel like I can never get away from it, like it will always find me. Sometimes I feel like there isn't any real use to ever trying and maybe I should just give up all together. But I don't want to. I never want to...and it tears me apart. I know that where I am right now, there isn't anything I can do to reach that which is so far.....but for some reason....I still keep trying and I can't help it. I feel kinda bad, because I know that lots of things would probably be better if I could do something about it...but I can't...and I don't really want to either. I just want to explode.... Current Mood: Contemplative depression...meh Current Music: Modest Mouse (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 6th, 2004
12:37 am	... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
12:25 am	... *trudges through on and on* (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 17th, 2003
11:25 pm	Ummm...hello...again.... I have once again not updated recently. Yesterday I went to Liberty Park and sparred with Tim and Alex, then Jacob sparred both of them too. After that we went by Lauren's house and got Jacob's car then headed over to Little Tokyo. I ate some California rolls, Dynamite rolls, and Makerel, then Lauren got me a salad. After that I ate the rest of Alex's rice, some of Lauren's chicken, most of her pepper, a few of Harry's Soft Shell Crab rolls, then Harry's chicken and a little cabbage and the rest of his rice. That's not the Harry that goes to Madison Central by the way. Then Tim and I went by Papa John's and saw Katie. After that we went to Hudson's and played with stuff and got spiff butane lighters for really cheap. Then we went to Pump & Save and met up with Katie since she had just gotten off of work. Then we went by Walmart looking for a switchblade and found a nice air pistol instead. We took it out to Liberty Park at like 10:15 and played with it some. Then Katie had to go home and we couldn't get a hold of Bailey so we just came to my house. We played PS2 for a bit then went to sleep. I woke up really sore because my living room floor is not very comfy. I talked to Mrs. Ezell online for a bit then I woke tim up and we went looking for school supplies...we didn't find any. After that we went to Burger King and ate lunch with Ezell. Then Tim and I stopped by Walmart to pick up some bolts for the pistol (it shoots bb's, pellets, darts, and bolts). Then we went to Liberty Park and tested out the bolts and practiced swords with Ezell for about 3 hours. Then I sat around for awhile. Got Sonic for dinner after we Mazzio's and Panda House didn't have buffets open. Oh well. I have the best girlfriend ever, yay. I love my Jen. She makes me happy. And now I retire to bed for I am quite tired. Hopefully I'll start updating more regularly again. Current Mood: sore Current Music: Cable TV - Weird Al (1 Comment |Comment on this)